It’s no secret that I’m an administrator of a mommy group and that I follow a few mommy groups on social media sites. One thing I notice on all of them is how judgmental moms are against one another, and it’s over the smallest things.
I personally don’t get why as women we feel that we need to cut each other down by judging one another. Being a mom isn’t an easy thing, sure it gets a little easier when kids grow up but in the end there will always been some sort of issue or learning experience until they leave the house. Even then most kids / teens and adults will still talk to their parents looking for advice for something, I know I still ask my mom “What would you suggest?” from time to time with some of my personal life issues and I’m twenty six.
I just don’t get how some moms will judge others on the smallest things, for example judging a mom for being in yoga pants, an over sized shirt and a messy ponytail hair style. They will call her lazy, a slob or judge her for not taking any time for herself. Yet when they see a celebrity do it the style becomes “fashionable” in their eyes and they say how cute the celebrity looks and how great she pulled the look off. Like seriously how can you bash down one person but praise another for doing the same thing. If that wasn’t bad enough most the time we as mothers also seem to be judge when out in public by total strangers and the second our toddler cries or makes a fuss we get the judgmental looks and whispers of “She needs to learn to control her child” or “What a bad mom for ignoring her child when he/she is clearly crying“. What they seem to forget is that we are the child’s parent and the kid could be crying for a number of reasons but we know best why they are crying or acting the way they are. What mom can honestly say their kid never pulled out the tantrum card in a store. Most will agree that they just ignored it and put the child in the shopping cart so they can get the running around done while letting their kid have their fit somewhere safe instead of being left on the floor. It isn’t fair to judge anyone, mother or other wise so why is it such a common thing. It doesn’t help make anyone feel better because if most were put in the situation they would react the same way so why judge like this to start with, it’s just a waste of emotional energy.
Don’t get me wrong I know everyone gets judged for one thing or another but it seems like parents get it the worse even more so from other parents. There seems to be some parents out there who think that just because they have more then one child they know everything. I agree with having more than one child you learn a little more but what I’ve noticed is that parents with more then one child will try what worked with the first child and then if that doesn’t work try something new or ask for advice just like a new parent would. So why do they feel the need to act more superior because they have more kids. It seems kind of ridiculous to me because each child is different even if they are siblings, so why look down on friends who have one child or are a new mother when they are asking everyone for advice/input. I don’t know if it is an intentional thing but it is still something I notice a lot with parents. Same goes for parents who won’t truly listen to a friends advice/input on children because that friend doesn’t have children. Some of my best advice came from a few friends with no kids, and I personally listened to them because I know that in their life they have helped raise their nieces/ nephews, siblings or because they work with children. So why be judgmental against them and then use the excuse “They wouldn’t know, they don’t have kids“. It just adds to the no matter who you are you will be judge mentality that we all seem to have in us.
I know I get judged for being a single mom and that alone could be an easy thing to pick on once you throw in the fact that I have tattoos ta da you have the makings for some real judgmental comments/glares. Being covered in tattoos or piercings doesn’t make anyone a bad parent and like I have told a few people “If my cherry blossoms / wave sleeve offends you then there are some real issue that you need to talk to someone about” because in my books they are something simply beautiful and symbolize change, life and nature. That doesn’t make me a bad parent, because in the end my son is healthy, happy, loved, well taken care of, there is loads of food in the house, bills are paid and things are all dealt with before I even allow myself to get any more tattoos. What does make a bad parent ( in my opinion ) is neglecting your child, putting your needs well before theirs, not feeding them properly, abuse of any kind physical, mental or emotional, exposing them to drugs and booze 24/7. I should add that I’m not against parents who smoke pot (for a medical reason) as long as they do it when the child is asleep and not in the house. Just like I’m not against parents drinking as long as they aren’t getting so drunk they can’t function, a glass of wine at night or a beer with dinner or at a family bbq doesn’t fall under the drinking category in my books. However make sure these things are stored properly and out of children’s site.
Before comments or messages come in yes I’m aware that saying this is a double standard, judgmental and some what hypocritical but I was just stating my own opinion on my personal views. Heck maybe in the end that is where most judgmental opinions come from but at least I try not to make it sound like I’m better than whatever parent it reading this or anyone for that matter since we all have our flaws.