To say my marriage crashed and burn would be a major understatement. Even though the assault that almost killed me is coming up on it being a full year since it happened and the ink on my divorce papers are still considered “fresh” or “not even dry yet” since it has only been 6months. I have gone through the motions and I’m at the point where I have no issue talking about what happened.
For those that don’t know I was married for almost five years, knew him for six. Gave birth to a handsome, healthy, happy little boy in 2009 and from there my marriage started to go down hill. Long story short he cheated on me, hid things from me, flat out lied about not working and the list could go on. Flash forward to April 27th, 2013, we started the day off with an argument over something small and stupid which at this point was run of the mill which later ended up to him assaulting me in front of my son. Thankfully before the argument turned physical I called my mom to come get my son so he didn’t have to hear us argue. Well things escalated rapidly and by time my mom came crashing through the door ( she heard my son screaming ) she saw me moments away from being killed. Needless to say my ex was arrested and that lead to his life going further down the crap shoot and showing his real colors which would later make all the local and major news papers and surprised myself as well as our families / friends because of how twisted and hurtful he really is.
The divorce for me was a quick one because of what happened, but that still didn’t help the emotions, thought process and my newly diagnosed PTSD on top of my normal anxiety from effecting me. When someone asked me how I manged to keep it together I responded with “There was things to be done, I have a son to raise and keep safe. I’ll relax and take care of me when it is all dealt with” which to this day still comes out of my mouth. Even with all of the support from my family and the friends who stuck around in my son and my lives after all this transpired I still have things to get done and until he is properly behind bars and sentenced I still need to make sure my son is safe.
Being labeled a victim due to the assault pissed me off, not going to hide that fact. I had cops, counselors and my family doctor say that I should seek some therapy which to me is pointless because talking about the issue at the time was a waste. Instead I took my son camping, enjoyed him growing up and starting preschool and made sure all our new memories were positive ones. This to me is how I managed to deal with what happened. Every time my son laughs, hugs me or says “Love you mommy” it shows me that I’m doing something right and that things will be just fine for us.
So my only advice for anyone who is going through a divorce or who has been assaulted by someone who was a loved one is this…..
It sucks beyond any words imaginable but in the end you will find out how strong you really are both physically and mentally.
You’re going to feel a whole array of emotions that are mixed together and confusing but it’s ok, they’ll sort themselves out if you work at it.
This whole thing will show you who really cares because even though it sucks, you may have some friends who just walk out of your life because of whatever lame excuse they come up with. Don’t worry about that to much because the friends that do stick around and are there for you are more valuable then anything a fake friend has to offer.
The most important is that you’re not alone and you know yourself the best. If you need to get it all out but aren’t ready to talk write it down in a book until you’re ready to share it or talk about it. If you just want it all to go away well that will take time but you are stronger then you ever imagined and even though it may look like a long dark road a head it does get easier and it will be worth it once you wake up one day and just feel the weight of it all go away. Yes that does happen but like most people we don’t know when it just happens when it happens.
Everyone is different and deals with things in different ways, find what works best for you and just keep living life to its fullest.
I myself am enjoying this single mom thing and can’t wait to see what life has in story for my son and myself, don’t worry I’m sure I will still blog about it.