SO PUT ON THE DAMN SWIMSUIT AND ENJOY YOURSELF ! ! !

I find myself telling a friend or two the same thing every year “We’re going to the beach to have fun, there will always be someone more skinnier than you, more fit or bigger than you and they’re not going to give a damn what you’re wearing so just have fun” but have never took my own advice, I know bad me how dare I bla bla bla

I don’t remember what age I was when I got my first real bikini but I’m sure I was probably excited to wear the it because maybe just maybe I would feel just as beautiful as my step sister and all her friends when they wore theirs. However when I saw them in their suits and me in mine I got that harsh realization that my body will never look like theirs but tried to ignore it and enjoy just being in the water swimming.

When I was in my very early teens years, I got boobs, my families big hips and their big ol’ bubble butt. I had begged/dreamed for some curves like my favorite singer, actors…etc or even like some of the girls who were dancers at my school. However life (more so genetics)  decided that it should all be settled on my thighs and my waist. These were not the curves I’d envisioned when I’d submitted my requests an I immediately felt like I got the shaft. All the other women in my family were gorgeous and confident. Even my little cousin rocked her beautiful freckles that looked like they were placed on her face by the worlds greatest painters. My dreams of lounging on the beach or pool side in a cute bikini were gone and I scrambled to try to find a “look” that would work for me. I ended up with going for the “surfer look” and rock out the board shorts and bikini top. Which ended up working out for me after because I got more active. I’ve never had a six pack but my flattish tummy was good enough for me to case any of my insecurities away until I was having fun in the moment. It also helped that I kept convincing myself that board shorts were a good option because you don’t have awkward wedges with board shorts like you do picking out a bikini bottom that decided it wanted to live it’s dream of being a thong.

Life went on, the summer seasons did too and during my pregnancy with my son, I felt beautiful. I would of liked to tell people that but was still a little shy / insecure because I’ve become that person who kind of just blends in. Like it felt okay to admit that I felt like I had a natural beauty because I was harboring a human. I was legit glowing and the curves felt like they were in all the right places and I didn’t compare my body to anyone else because I was growing a person inside me and that felt like a miraculous situation all in it’s own but I couldn’t just say “I’m beautiful” out loud yet.

My son was born, my body changed as bodies do with time and age and having a baby. And I dreaded the up coming swimsuit season all over again, even wondering if I would even attempt to put one on. I dreaded the times when my thighs and my stomach would be on display next to others.

As I mentioned I’ve been “fit and healthy” but have always had a little more meat on my bones and the reality is… there are really big things worth fearing in this world. And yet I feared a damn swimsuit.

My body has been torn all apart and put back together during my c-section / other life events, I’ve always fluctuated in my weight. I’ve gone through somethings that made me think maybe I wouldn’t know this body of mine anymore as I once did. That perhaps I’d only be a soul wandering around being too busy no raising my little human on my own to ever really focus on me and I wonder now… what did I miss because I wouldn’t wear the damn swimsuit?!

I have had more anxiety at times over the thought of wearing a suit than I did when I would go 4x4ing or that time when I was scared sitting in the back of my Dad’s truck going backwards down a mountain side cause the breaks failed. Even more importantly I’ve realized this: if in my almost 30 years, there hasn’t been a year in more than 2 decades that I can recall being one hundred percent “comfortable” in any sort of clothing…that I’m the one holding myself back. I’m the one comparing my legs, stomach, skin and even my big ol’ booty. And I gotta let it go. If I want to truly live in the moment of the moments… I’ve got to Elsa the situation and just let it go all while being my fabulous self.

I haven’t done it for long but this is what I’ve learned so far…

Wear the damn swimsuit. Just wear it. If you want to be in on the action splashing with kiddos soaking up the sun, not caring if you get soaked. Not caring that your thighs are friends who are constantly hugging or if you want to look at it as being one step closer to being a mermaid just wear the damn swimsuit and have fun.

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Eat the burger! Enjoy your favorite food because hating food or being scared of what it will do to your body it will only cause bigger issues. Just keep it all in moderation and enjoy it all because much like yourself food is amazing.

Dance when there’s no dance floor. It doesn’t matter if it’s in the kitchen, bathroom, hallway if you wanna dance do it.

Sing like you’re on The Voice. In the shower. In your car. On the stage if you have the courage to do that just sing it loud and proud.

Take a moment to just sit there with the sun on your face and enjoy the warmth.

Or take a moment sipping on a warm drink listening to the rain hit the ground.

Tell someone “Thank you” even if it was just them holding the door for you or the cashier ringing in your groceries.

Call someone and say “I love you

If you miss someone or have been meaning to reach out to someone just do it. Pick up the phone and call them.

Snuggle your kiddo, dog, cat, spouse, whoever you care about just a little longer because our time with them isn’t promised.

Let the dishes wait, because there will always be dishes.

Let the clothes in the dryer sit there a little longer and enjoy the afternoon with friends / family because much like the dishes laundry never goes away.

Write, share and tell your story. It doesn’t have to be on a blog or public either. Go to the store or look online for a journal and write down your memories / story there.

Life is shorter than short, we all already say “Can you believe it’s already {insert time of year here}” just wear the damn swimsuit and enjoy life.

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