Tag Archive: mommylife


happy_mothers_day

This post is a day early but I’m sure many of you reading this won’t seem to care about that after you read it……

I would like to take a moment to thank all those who don’t always get thanked and are normally over looked for what you do. Thank you to the moms who do the work of two not because you wanted to but because you had to for your children as a single parent. Thank you to the moms who are truly there for their children and put themselves dead last after everyone else even strangers are taken care of. Thank you to the moms who were scared when they found out they would be a mom but have blossomed into a wonderful loving and caring mom. A special thank you to the dads who have to act like moms because single parent dads get over looked all the time.

It doesn’t matter if you’re a mom to be or a mom to a living baby, have had the horrible misfortune of having a miscarriage, still birth, or your little one (some times not so little ones) died due to some terrible accident. To the step parents, grandparents, aunts / uncles, foster parents, adoptive parents and other people who are a mom to someone they didn’t give birth too I would like to wish every mom ( and single dads playing two roles) out there a very happy Mothers Day.

Now put down the technology and spend the day with your loved ones making new memories and having fun. Maybe also take a moment to be thankful for the moms who aren’t around anymore, they still matter as well because if not for them you wouldn’t be here or be who you are.

 

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I’m asked all the time “Why are you so tired?” and it’s just easier to say “Bad nights sleep” then to go into details on how it can be exhausting mentally, physically and emotionally when not only are you a single mom but a single mom to a child who is labeled “special needs”. The problem is most people don’t want to hear real the explanation and much like other parents we know it is because people are busy or simply won’t understand so it’s easy to make up something that won’t bring up many other questions. We also don’t want to feel like a burden onto those around us. Now my lovely readers you’re probably trying to figure out where I’m going with all this and it’s simple…..

YOU’RE NOT ALONE and you’re far from a burden when it comes to asking for help or looking for someone to talk to.

There is a lovely blog written by Life Over C’s that I think can explain this topic a little better than me, because even though everyone’s situation is different her blog entry is very relatable. It’s well worth the read even if you’re not the parent of a special needs child. The link of the blog can be found right below….

Why Special Needs Moms are Exhausted All the Time, But Will Never Ask for Help

Even though she writes about her youngest daughter having Rett Syndrome, I can relate to a lot of it even though my son has Autism. I found myself going through a lot of the same things, like how screen time is a life saver and how we both have the fear of “If I leave the room to go to the bathroom, will my child be ok” and being labeled a neglectful parent if something does happen in those few seconds we took to run to the bathroom to pee.

So go ahead and pop over to her blog and give it a read.

Remember that yes while we are tired we are still normally up for a friend bringing us a coffee and chatting.

.:Side Note:.
I like my coffee chilled like a frappuccino or something iced

Dear any parent reading this….

Don’t quit.

I know it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders and that it really doesn’t matter if the dishes are done or that no one really cares that you stayed up till 2 am folding laundry or that you are just overlooked by what it seems is everyone in your life. Perhaps it hits when you’re sitting in the car and put your head on the steering wheel and out of no where the tears start to roll down your cheek. I know that sometimes you just want to throw in the towel and whisper (or scream) that you’ve had enough.

You’re not alone, trust me I’ve been there and often try to hide it with a fake smile plastered to my face. Or you’ll find me hiding my own issues by helping others with their own (not a wise idea, but that’s for another blog).

I remember standing in the shower one night, my head against one of the walls thinking that I couldn’t do this motherhood thing anymore and that I really didn’t matter or make a difference and that I would never ever catch up on the things that needed to be done. Which, by the way, I still think will never really caught up on. And because I’ve felt that way when I first became a single parent and even feel that way some times now, I’m writing this today to tell you that you, right now,that you matter more than you might ever realize.

You, and your life, your voice, your giving of self, and all of that matters. YOU MATTER!

I won’t lie there will be days that are hard and those days may turn into weeks that are hard or they may even snowball and turn into a month that just seems like your breaking point.

But here is a little secret, you can do this. I know you can.

As hard as it may sound you need to pick yourself up, brush off the metaphorical dust and be the parent you know you can be today.

It doesn’t mean you have to take a deep breath in and become SuperMom or Dad of the Year. Just by looking into your children’s eyes and tell them how much you love them – even though you are remembering how much they talked back to you this morning and drove you up the wall– and be sure you tell them how you love them unconditionally. You can make those sandwiches for lunch today, heck add in some sliced apples for good messure and can today you can actually get the straw in the juice pouch on the first time, or maybe the second. You can drive those kiddos to soccer, swimming lesson, dance, martial arts, school to where ever they need to be and you will tell yourself that you sitting in the car with them matters.

Just DO NOT give up

The internet has a lot of information but one thing it has taught me is we only fail when we quit.

Being a parent doesn’t look like those Pinterest boards full of birthday ideas with perfect fondant cakes and party favors that take three hours to make. Those moments can be made and are possible but seriously, listen to me, those things don’t make a parent. Those things, while they are beautiful, they don’t really matter. They will be forgotten down the road. Do you know what matters? You. Right now, reading these words, who no matter what is always there for their kiddo(s) and put them first and for most.

Don’t dread on the times you’ve messed up or thought you may of messed up. I’ve got them as well, that mom you see in the morning who looks like she just walked off a photo shoot, yep she has those moments too. Please remember all the times where you have done well, or the times when you’ve been there when it really mattered. Sitting up at one am rocking a toddler who had a bad dream. Making dinner out of a pantry that is bare and used up all of your creativity or just gave in and said “Yep, cereal for dinner it is“. Remember and be proud of the times you have found yourself giving up on something you need so that your child can get what they need. Remember the times you found yourself helping with their homework when you just wanted a nap. Reading a story for the eighth time. Folding those clothes that you know will end up on the floor come morning. Making lunches, listening to their stories, being silly and laughing until it hurt. Even remember gross times like holding the puke bucket, the sad times by wiping tears away from their faces. Remember the proud moments like putting art on the wall, watching them tie their shoes all by themselves or learning to ride a bike.

Those are the moments in life that will matter and be remembered by your child. Not what you spent on them, not how you said “No” and it made them mad, being there is what will stick in their heads when they are growing up.

So you may feel like you want to quit and that’s ok to feel, but DON’T GIVE UP. Pick up the towel right now and instead tell yourself you can’t, tell yourself can and just make it through today. You can do it. Don’t look at how anyone else is parenting, or what everyone’s Facebook status states, don’t read into the Pinterest picture of the perfect parent. You are the perfect parent for your children and you are the only parent they will have. There is no price tag large enough that would ever illustrate the true value of being a parent. You are an amazing gift to your family now remember that and be your amazing self.

I’ve said it once before and I’ll remind you again. You have a 100% success rate when it comes to bad days or hard times. YOU GOT THIS